Dear Helpless,

I was quite distraught when you recently phoned/emailed/texted me with your recent problems. Please be aware that this is of the utmost priority to me and in no way an insulting waste of my time. While most people are content with friendships built around such social activities as shopping, hanging out, mutual interests, etc., I much prefer ours, which rests on a solid foundation of me fixing your life. Unfortunately, this is likely to be our final interaction under that dynamic, as I've found a website capable of acting as your thankless, uncompensated therapist better than I ever could:

www.google.com

Sincerely,

Yersa