Marine: So say you’re being chased through an open field by a group of men with guns.
Yersa: OK, got it. I’m being chased through an open field by a group of men with guns.
Marine: There are no trees or ditches or places to hide. You’re basically screwed. What you need to do is serpentine.
Yersa: Turpentine?
Marine: Serpentine. Zig-zag as you’re running so if they shoot at you, they have less of a chance of hitting you.
Yersa: OK. Zig-zag as I’m being chased through a hypothetical open field by a group of hypothetical men with hypothetical guns. Got it.
Marine: Or…
Yersa: Or what? Spit it out. I’m about to get shot here.
Marine: Or say you have a grenade. What you do is take off your shoe and carefully pull the pin out of the grenade. Put the grenade in your shoe, propped in such a way that it doesn’t explode. Then when the killer men with guns are running after you through the field, they’ll stop and pick up your shoe. BOOM.
Yersa: I’m glad I’ve stockpiled all of those grenades in my closet.
Marine: Or if you see a tree? Climb it. People don’t naturally look up, so chances are they’ll run right by you.
Yersa: You just said there are no trees in the field.
Marine: Or if you see a giraffe? Throw a saddle on it and ride it around and sing ‘Baby Beluga’ really loudly. The killer men will probably start laughing really hard and forget they’re trying to murder you. At least long enough for you to make your getaway.
Yersa: Now this is just getting ridiculous.
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